“Help me if you can I’m feeling down”…

… they’re great song lyrics and something I was unable to say (let alone sing) when I was a new mum at 43.

Women who become mothers later in life are notoriously bad at asking for help. Studies on older mothers prove it. We’re not used to it. We’ve learnt to rely on ourselves, be independent and be in control. For me, the word ‘help’ stuck in my throat like a fishbone.

When you don’t ask for help you don’t get support and research shows with decreased support comes increased isolation, anxiety, fatigue and depression.

Researchers are now suggesting that mothers need to be taught how to ask for help as part of the pre-birth education process.

But how do we teach mothers to ask for help?

Here are some of my tips:

• Think about what might happen if you don’t reach out then think about what might happen if you do.

• Work out whom you can ask for help. Choose someone you trust.

• Think about what you’ll say and practise in front of a mirror if you have to.

• Role-play asking for help with a good friend and reverse the roles. You’ll be amazed how good it feels to say ‘yes’ to someone who asks for your help. It’ll help boost your confidence when asking for real.

• Be concise – state your situation and the specifics of the help you need.

• Know that it’s okay to ask for help and that people will respect you more if you ask than if they find out you suffered in silence.

• Asking for help builds bonds between people and strengthens relationships. It’s a good thing and the benefits are long lasting.

If you’re a new mum or a mother of a young child why not reach out to someone this week and ask them to help you with just one thing.

If you know a new mum or a mother of a young child why not reach out this week and offer to help them with just one thing.

Who knows… asking for help may just catch on 🙂

 By Serena Kirby, Author of Better Late Than Never Baby – Becoming a Mother Later in Life

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